Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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