we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
