the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
