It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
