Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
