I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
