I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
