Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
