If that was your dad, he is hot
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
