You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
