your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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