dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
