how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i dont even know how to be here
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
