Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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