I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
