Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
