brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
