Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
