it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
where are you?
Hypothermia
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
