Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
