She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
where are you?
Hypothermia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize