it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
