Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
