You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
