I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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