Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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