i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
