Cold hands, warm shart.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
