Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
