my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
