I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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