Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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