He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
