Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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