Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
