I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I am one with the molecules
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
