I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
