It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
