I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
