i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
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there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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