i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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