come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
