i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
