There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
