My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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