About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
there was a trapeze. enough said
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
