I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
