I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
