What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
