Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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