No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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