the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
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Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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