I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He passed out mid-signature
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
