If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
