o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
