already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
