And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
