did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize
