what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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