Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Life is so much better after having sex.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My ATM looks so different sober.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's blow job season.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
