How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
