i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
