genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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