Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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