let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
