he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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