I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
