I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
