i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
