My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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