Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
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Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
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No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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