420 ftw
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
it's not cheating when I paid for it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
