your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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