My liver just broke up with me...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
