Your mouth is God's brothel.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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