I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
