Fine. I'll sleep in my office
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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